If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that although I've gone through blogging "phases"-- from addicted and highly motivated to unmotivated and hating it-- over the past year since I started blogging, the last 4 months have been the hardest.
Actually, the past 7 months have been the hardest because as soon as I found out I was pregnant back in December, my motivation to blog went downhill. When I was battling morning sickness, the last thing that I could stand was the brightness of a computer screen. And since we waited until we were almost out of the first trimester to tell our blog family, it was hard for me to be transparent on here because a huge part of my life was something I couldn't tell you about.
Pregnancy has sucked the creativity out of me. Especially my desire to write. I feel like I'm always "blank."
Back in March, in a desire to fuel my dying creativity, I attended the blog conference Creative Estates. You can read more about my experience here. Like I said in that post, I wouldn't recommend the conference to anyone, but what came out of it were wonderful friendships and I wouldn't trade those for the world-- even though I never once was inspired by that trip, ha!
Unfortunately, a huge part of my heart was let down when I went to that retreat, too. I had such expectations for what it would be like, and how people would be there, that I was crushed when those expectations didn't turn out the way I thought they would. Not only was I grossed out by the turn of events at the retreat, but I was turned off by the heart of some bloggers: how they worship "big bloggers" like celebrities and how they instantly changed as soon as one of them walked in the room. Maybe I'm just at a season in my life where that stuff seems juvenile to me, or who knows, but I seriously was flabbergasted by some of the worship that grown women had for these "big" bloggers. And it ached my heart that I heard people say, "Oh you probably don't even know my blog-- I only have like 45 followers."
How sad that they felt like they had to defend themselves because they had a "small" blog.
[as of last Thursday]
I've had a few other unfortunate incidences where I've watched the blogging community turn mean, cold, and cliquey. That being said-- it's made me really, really sad. I know that all of us are humans, and sinners, but to see some of the rudeness, hate, and meanness come out in the past couple of months among grown women-- it has just broken my heart.
But alas, during one of the happiest seasons of my life, these events really haven't changed a single thing about my happiness overall. Carrying this daughter of mine... what could be more magical? I'm happy every day, quite frankly. But this whole thing... this whole blogging thing has made me question everything about myself and why I do it and it has brought me back to the original purpose of it all: to be me, glorify God, and share bits & pieces of my heart. It's not about me anyway-- it's about Him.
What's driven me, when I haven't felt like it at all, is all of the incredible women that I've met in blog land and the wonderful support system in my "real life"-- the friends and family members that comment or tell me they loved a certain post and to just keep going.
Moving forward, I am going to be taking a break here. I'm not going to not be blogging-- I'm just going to truly blog when I want to blog and not because it's a Tuesday and I need to do x, y, or z. A break to really just enjoy my time before my baby comes, and to just soak it all up. To detox and to fall in love with all of this all over again. To just sit in my baby girl's nursery and daydream about her and read all of those books I've wanted to read in recent months but I haven't had the time to read. A time to be selfish, and a time to prepare. A time to just focus on Jesus and spend more & more time with Him, and Him only. I'm so excited.
The bottom line... blogging has brought MORE good to me than bad. It's been one of the best things that has honestly happened to me. The comments, the baby gifts, the emails, the prayers and thoughts, the late night Tweets and texts-- they have changed my life. I'm a better person since I've started blogging. You all have changed me in many ways. I'm determined to not let the past hold me back anymore. I look forward to having some of my "drive" come back, and really soon, share with you the news that our little peanut has made her grand arrival! :) Thank you all for your wonderful, amazing support over the past 13 months-- you are incredible! You mean more to me than you know! xo
Actually, the past 7 months have been the hardest because as soon as I found out I was pregnant back in December, my motivation to blog went downhill. When I was battling morning sickness, the last thing that I could stand was the brightness of a computer screen. And since we waited until we were almost out of the first trimester to tell our blog family, it was hard for me to be transparent on here because a huge part of my life was something I couldn't tell you about.
Pregnancy has sucked the creativity out of me. Especially my desire to write. I feel like I'm always "blank."
Back in March, in a desire to fuel my dying creativity, I attended the blog conference Creative Estates. You can read more about my experience here. Like I said in that post, I wouldn't recommend the conference to anyone, but what came out of it were wonderful friendships and I wouldn't trade those for the world-- even though I never once was inspired by that trip, ha!
Unfortunately, a huge part of my heart was let down when I went to that retreat, too. I had such expectations for what it would be like, and how people would be there, that I was crushed when those expectations didn't turn out the way I thought they would. Not only was I grossed out by the turn of events at the retreat, but I was turned off by the heart of some bloggers: how they worship "big bloggers" like celebrities and how they instantly changed as soon as one of them walked in the room. Maybe I'm just at a season in my life where that stuff seems juvenile to me, or who knows, but I seriously was flabbergasted by some of the worship that grown women had for these "big" bloggers. And it ached my heart that I heard people say, "Oh you probably don't even know my blog-- I only have like 45 followers."
How sad that they felt like they had to defend themselves because they had a "small" blog.
[as of last Thursday]
I've had a few other unfortunate incidences where I've watched the blogging community turn mean, cold, and cliquey. That being said-- it's made me really, really sad. I know that all of us are humans, and sinners, but to see some of the rudeness, hate, and meanness come out in the past couple of months among grown women-- it has just broken my heart.
But alas, during one of the happiest seasons of my life, these events really haven't changed a single thing about my happiness overall. Carrying this daughter of mine... what could be more magical? I'm happy every day, quite frankly. But this whole thing... this whole blogging thing has made me question everything about myself and why I do it and it has brought me back to the original purpose of it all: to be me, glorify God, and share bits & pieces of my heart. It's not about me anyway-- it's about Him.
What's driven me, when I haven't felt like it at all, is all of the incredible women that I've met in blog land and the wonderful support system in my "real life"-- the friends and family members that comment or tell me they loved a certain post and to just keep going.
Moving forward, I am going to be taking a break here. I'm not going to not be blogging-- I'm just going to truly blog when I want to blog and not because it's a Tuesday and I need to do x, y, or z. A break to really just enjoy my time before my baby comes, and to just soak it all up. To detox and to fall in love with all of this all over again. To just sit in my baby girl's nursery and daydream about her and read all of those books I've wanted to read in recent months but I haven't had the time to read. A time to be selfish, and a time to prepare. A time to just focus on Jesus and spend more & more time with Him, and Him only. I'm so excited.
The bottom line... blogging has brought MORE good to me than bad. It's been one of the best things that has honestly happened to me. The comments, the baby gifts, the emails, the prayers and thoughts, the late night Tweets and texts-- they have changed my life. I'm a better person since I've started blogging. You all have changed me in many ways. I'm determined to not let the past hold me back anymore. I look forward to having some of my "drive" come back, and really soon, share with you the news that our little peanut has made her grand arrival! :) Thank you all for your wonderful, amazing support over the past 13 months-- you are incredible! You mean more to me than you know! xo
