Yesterday, I had a meltdown. There we were, enjoying Joshua's two beautiful days off (trust me, when you have a baby, your husband finally being off of work for 48 hours is a beautiful thing) when he got a phone call during breakfast. After answering it and talking for a few minutes, he hung up and proceeded to tell me that he was going to be doing an out-of-town assignment for work that would be leaving me by myself with a 4 week old for 9 straight days. Did you hear that, people? 9.days.
By the beautiful grace of God, my parents are able to come out and visit and keep me company while he is gone. They are saving me from losing my marbles, I tell you. They aren't even here yet, and I can tell you that already.
But my whole point in this, is to reveal sentence number one... my meltdown. There I was, discovering that my husband was going to be gone again, and I just lost it. For 4 straight weeks, I had been going non-stop on a eat/poop/sleep routine. For the first week of Eden's birth, I breastfed over 50 hours. Yes, you heard that right. It was exhausting. Now that the weeks have progressed, she eats less, is awake a little bit more, and poops all the time, that girl. But I got really burnt out, I mean really burnt out-- fast.
And I kept going, and going, and going, like the energizer bunny and thought I was supermom and of course, I was too prideful to just tell my husband that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and that I was going to snap. I had a relatively quick come-back after being pregnant, as in I didn't sit around much. That was my fault. I should have milked it a little bit more. 4 weeks into this pregnancy thing, and there I was mopping my floors, doing laundry, meeting the girls for lunch, running errands and still doing the mom thing: breastfeed, change diapers, and pump when I had a spare minute.
I crashed and burned. Bad.
When I found out Joshua was going out of town, I was really annoyed. Why? Because my husband adores his job and there he was getting to go away for 9 days straight and, in my opinion, have fun. It was hard for me to accept that I'd be doing all of this work while he was gone and without his help.
Long story short, I bit his sweet head off and he ordered me to go spend 3 hours straight by myself and just get away and enjoy some alone time. At first, I was a little taken back: alone time? What's that? I've already forgotten in 4 little weeks. But I ran with it, put on some make up and changed my milk-soaked bra and headed out the door without a plan. And, I might add, without guilt. That was a miracle.
So I drove downtown, picked up some Chipotle and enjoyed some time scouring magazines at Barnes & Noble and forgetting for a short while about my responsibilites. And it was awesome. You know what? I came home a new woman. Refreshed, happy, positive and upbeat. You know what else? Upon walking in the door, my dear husband greeted me with a smile and kiss and when I asked if Eden was hungry and needing me, he proceeded to announce that she had already been fed. Already been fed, what?! "Yeah, I took some of the frozen breastmilk out of the freezer, thawed it out in warm water, fed her a bottle and took her on a walk and she fell asleep." Okay... okay... wow. Superman, right there ladies. I joked that I should have stayed out a few more hours, but the point is that I got a break and I was happy to be back home. I saw my new, beautiful little family with new eyes. I literally could not wait until Eden woke up so that I could watch her smile. And I kissed on my husband a lot that night :)
Ladies, you have GOT to give yourself a break. I'm not saying this to rub in the fact that I got one or whatever, I'm just telling you that it's necessary for our well-being and happiness. I even learned another lesson when this all went down...
My husband's confidence soared. And he fell in love with our daughter a little bit more, I think. His words to me were, "Heather, you not releasing control and taking some time out for yourself is pride and you're basically telling me that you don't think that I can take care of our daughter." Ouch. Lesson learned, oh wise one. I watched the two of them cuddle and stare at one another that night and realized that I have to let them have their bonding time, too, and if I'm always around, they'll never get it.
So that's that... today is a new day and the responsibilities are here again and the same. But I have a smile on my face and a little bit more energy to face the day. Lesson learned, big time. Oh this mommy thing... it's hard and so beautiful all wrapped up in one big package.
