a few days ago, someone asked me where my parents lived.
i choked back tears when i told them. when i told them that they live far, far away and no longer somewhere quickly accessible for me to get to.
this is a huge part of my life that i've pushed away into a dark, back burner of my mind and have been unwilling to accept: my parents sold, and therefore no longer live, in my childhood home.
in december, they put it on the market at 8 PM on a friday night and by 8 the next morning, it was in escrow. 12 short hours. 12 short hours that i can still barely wrap my mind around. 12 short hours that literally changed everything.
so my dad retired and they sold the house and they moved down to puerto vallarta, mexico. this quaint little city has always been a cherished one for our family over the years, and it makes my heart happy to see my parents so happy down there, enjoying sunshine, the beach and new friends.
so don't get me wrong. i'm ectatic for my parents. it's time for them to enjoy the fruit of their labor.
but i just miss them.
i miss our family.
i miss the memories.
i miss the familiarity that exists when you're with your family.
i miss going back to san diego and finding my way back to their doorstep.
i know so much has changed over the years anyway, that we lived a state apart and that we had come to terms with seeing one another every couple of months or so. but i miss them close, and it makes me so sad that they don't get to see our baby girl grow up. i miss being able to get in the car and see them in 5 hours if i wanted to.
i guess i didn't realize how much i hadn't grieved this huge part of change in my life until i was asked those words the other day, "where does your family live?" it pierced like daggers to my heart. we're all spread out now. and it's okay.
sorry for the total downer here, but tonight i've come to terms with it, almost 4 months later. and this simple act of writing and letting it go is almost like setting fire to chinese paper lanterns that are floating out in the night sky. goodnight.
//
"I thought if I could touch this place or feel it... This brokenness inside me might start healing...Out here, it's like I'm someone else-- I thought that maybe I could find myself. If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave...Won't take nothing but a memory, from the house that built me." Miranda Lambert
