SOCIAL MEDIA

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Second-Hand Offenses, Creating Boundaries, Forgiveness and Iced Coffee

Second-hand offenses are an odd thing. Rarely do they get you anywhere. Trust me, I've learned the hard way over the years. As I've grown older, I've realized the importance and sanctity of a true friend; one that never leaves your side, and one who has your back. Few things get me more wild up than when someone I love, be it a friend or family member, is wrongly treated. I never realized how loyal I really was until I saw a loved one be hurt by someone.

A few years ago, I was good friends with a group of ladies and something happened, although years later I am still not even sure just what, and we all kind of just had a really weird falling out. One friend was kind of the center of us all, and when she hurt one of my friends-- and then I found out she hurt another-- I automatically rushed to their sides in their defense. Dealing with my own hurt from this person, I found that we all had a "middle ground" with our individual pain. The big mistake, however, was that we did not just deal with the problem with the person directly. Instead, I harbored annoyance and frustration towards her because of the pain she was causing me and my friends. We talked too much and did too little. Our pain somehow made the sting of gossip okay.

The end result, was that years later, my friends found peace with her and I did not. Sometimes it really made me confused, like "So when did everything get to be okay with you? I defended you in the midst of your hurt and now the only person left with hurt is me." I've learned that second-hand offenses are nasty and that it's better to know as little as possible when my friends are hurt by others. The problem doesn't have anything to do with me and it's their responsibility to mend the relationship with the other person, not me, anyways. My desire for harmony can not be the excuse in the process. Matthew 18:15 “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you."


Turning the other cheek and forgiving those who have hurt us is one of life's hardest things. It's what Jesus has called us to do without hesitation, however. This is something that is so hard for me. When I've been hurt, it's so easy to just sit there and not move forward with the forgiveness process, especially when I am not getting a "I'm sorry. I wronged you horribly. Will you please forgive me?" I have to forgive because Christ forgave me.
Done. The end.

I read this quote on Twitter the other day, by one of my authors, Donald Miller--
"Turning the other cheek is partly about loving your enemy, and partly about protecting you from getting entangled with them."

!!!!!

Shut the front door, that is so good!

A few posts ago I mentioned the ridiculous cyber bullying and I so appreciate the kind comments and emails I received after that post. In the last couple of weeks, while I've tried to move forward and forgive, this quote just hit me like a ton of bricks. Instead of being bummed that someone was mean to me, and obviously doesn't like me (#firstborn, people-pleasing problems), God brought it my attention how graciously he loves me because he is
removing unhealthy relationships from my life.


I've spent some time really thinking lately about personal boundaries and how imperative it is that we create them with others-- it doesn't mean that we replace distance with mean-spiritedness. It is still our calling to be kind, gracious and loving like Jesus. Joshua and I have actually spent the last year or so really diving into relationships that point us to Jesus. I've noticed such a change in our friendships and in our marriage, too. We have been so blessed by those who lift us up; often times we are left feeling fufilled and energized, like "Wow, that was awesome!"
Intentional relationships have been so great for us as new parents, too.
When we only have so much time, we want our child, and our future children, centered around like-minded people.


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“Evaluating the benefits and drawbacks of any relationship is your responsibility. You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you. You can choose.” -Deborah Day
 
“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change." -Henry Cloud

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Such random thoughts circulating through my heart on this Wednesday morning.
In other news, I'm obsessed with Dunkin Donuts iced coffee.
Man, it's so darn good.
So good that I strapped my kid in the carseat at 7:20 this morning and drove to go get some. Amen.
xo