We have arrived at 35 weeks and boy do I feel like I have been pregnant forever.
I feel her right now, moving and jabbing me with her elbows and knee kicks, her hiccups making my belly shake back and forth. She is in there, perfectly formed; breathing, growing, healthy. Her little fingers have fingernails and her head has hair; her eyes can open and shut and are sensitive to light.
She is just perfect.
It took me a long time to... well, connect with her.
I have been pretty honest about that.
Once I finally wrote that post, and released it to cyberspace, it was like complete acceptance of myself and my feelings. And then I started to connect. I started getting excited. I think it was honestly just coming from a place of complete exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed after the move (another move during a pregnancy), really bad morning sickness, and chasing around a busy toddler.
I was so confused after I found out she was a "she."
I dreamt of her as a boy.
We prayed for her as a boy.
Not like we hope for her as one, but that's just how I truly felt her to be.
A son.
I think it took me a good two weeks to come to terms with the fact that I was having another daughter. It was just the opposite of everything I felt from the get-go of this pregnancy.
But a sister? A sister for Eden.
Oh my goodness.
Bliss.
I never had a sister and I remember going through this phase when I was like 6 or 7 and I would cry at night and beg my parents to give me a little baby sister. I am so excited that my girls will have one another. We would still love to have more children, Lord willing. But even if I just have two, knowing that they have one another, that brings me such peace.
Two sweet, beautiful girls.
Two best friends for life.
Two little women that I get to cook with and help foster into little ladies that hopefully love the Lord and want to be mommies to their own one day. I daydream often of Thanksgiving dinners with us all cooking together and lots of kids-- our grandkids-- all around our table. It makes me giddy.
Two sweet, beautiful little girls that are completely wrapped around Joshua's fingers.
That love him like crazy and who think the world of him.
I just know it.
We are so excited to meet you, baby girl.
We pray for you so often and say your name out loud all the time.
We are decorating your nursery right now and think of you with each paint stroke as we paint your walls.
Before we know it, you will be here with us.
And we won't remember how life was before you arrived.
We love you so much already; see you soon. xo
