It's been quiet around here. On the blog, that is. Life, however, has been so busy! Life with two :) The days go so fast now! The small children in my home have needed me more than ever as of late. Eden has been cutting molars, which have left her in a state of lethargy and more whining has been done than usual. And Everly is so new and fresh and needs me for nourishment and comfort. This past week I have had to remind myself that these days are so short, and to just cherish them, as exhausting as they may be. I have to honestly say God gave me two very, very special little girls and I have been blessed with really good, relatively easy kids (so far). I feel so blessed to get to spend every single day with them; I know these days while they are at home are not long. But that doesn't mean that this mama work is not hard. I'm tired like the rest of 'em. The balance of laundry, and cooking, and mothering all together-- it's tiring! I'm wiped.
But I must say... I just love having two kids. It's been wonderful. Dare I say I find having two kids incredibly fulfilling? Rewarding? There is a sense of purpose like no other. I find my time is used so valuably. Having two has taught me how to say no more and yes to what matters more to me. It has given me a more silent confidence in myself. It has empowered me with the will to get what I want more out of my life. I'm not doubting myself. I'm not questioning if I'm doing things right. I'm relaxed. Despite the newfound juggle, the exhaustion, and it being a little bit more complicated to get out of the house (but still entirely do-able, I might add!)-- and the learning how to still be "me" with all these new roles, I am enjoying motherhood more than ever.
Especially the second time around... It's all just been different but still so good.
The birthing experience // This time, I went into labor with another "open-minded birth plan" but overall, I did what I wanted (yes, we had that birth plan written down) and didn't give a second-thought about what anyone ELSE thought. I knew how much an epidural had saved me last time and you better believe I was going to get it this time. And no, I didn't feel guilty about it. When I wrote Everly's birth story, it was actually very interesting how many emails I received from women who thanked me for voicing my desire to get an epidural. So many women are made to feel ashamed about that by OTHER women. Yes, I've seen "The Business of Being Born." I think we should support one another as women and for different choices. Not all of us want to have a natural birth. I was one of the ones who said I would go as long as I could, and if I wanted drugs at a certain point, I wasn't going to beat myself up about it. I'm so thankful for modern medicine and for the gift it gave me to experience a calm, pain-free labor experience which I could truly savor.
(Don't) Read all the books // I honestly have not read ONE single book or looked at an app other than "The Wonder Weeks" since Everly has been born. It's been so liberating. The first time around, I was engulfed in blogs, online forums, books and apps on my phone. I would sit there during a nursing session, frantically searching for "Why is my baby squirming" and "Why does she wake up right on the dot after 45 minutes of napping?" and now, I know why and I can just sit back and enjoy the ride. It's been so, so wonderful.
How she sleeps // Everly has been an incredible sleeper. Out of the womb, that baby has slept awesome. I have been consistent about some things and have managed to create a flexible routine (someone once told me, "The best mama is a well-rested mama" and that has rung so true for me over the past 2 years which is why I have gently sleep-trained my babies) but how she gets to sleep-- I don't care. If I want to rock her, I rock her. If I want to swaddle her, I swaddle her. If I want to kiss her while she sleeps, I kiss her. If I want to vacuum while she sleeps, I vacuum while she sleeps. If I want her to sleep on my chest, I let her sleep on my chest. I am not beating myself up about how or why or why not she isn't sleeping. And low and behold, she's sleeping great anyways.
My postpartum body // Sure it looks a little different. Heck, maybe even more different than last time? I haven't had much time to analyze it. And that's what beautiful. I rocked two incredibly gorgeous babies out of this thing. I'm loving it and not stressing it, because I know the weight comes off eventually.
The sibling factor // Eden is still getting used to having a little sister. I'm not going to say it has been all fairies and butterflies. She has had occasional jealousy moments and times where she wants me all to herself. Which is why we've tried to be really intentional about one-on-one time with her. Both of us have gone out on individual dates with her for ice-cream or shopping or whatever. I've learned how to juggle holding two at the same time, sometimes while they are both screaming. It's been a learning process, but seriously there is NOTHING more incredible than watching my girls together. I love the way Everly looks at Eden. Afterall, she has heard her voice all these months before entering the world, too.
Love abounds // I think the hardest adjustment for me after having Everly was how much I MISSED spending time with Eden. There was this moment, at around 2 weeks postpartum, where I remember just longing to be alone with just her. It was hard for me to accept that my time with her would now involve someone else. And that's okay. But there are definite moments where I miss the amount of time I was able to spend with her where I was a little bit less distracted trying to juggle everything. Again, one-on-one time. The most incredible thing is HOW much your love grows. I never once wondered if I would be able to love Everly like I did Eden. It never crossed my mind. Of course, I would love my other child as much as the other. Hello! The love is deep and all-consuming.
The evolution of my marriage // Motherhood with two kids seems to actually involve even more time with Joshua in the picture. Why? Because I can't do it all and two kids often times requires two people. Our marriage has changed so much since we've had kids; it's changed for the better, in my opinion. There is nothing more incredible than seeing life come into the world that you have created with your husband. And multiply that by two.
It's just awesome.
I'm ready for #3 ;)
Kidding (maybe).
