I'm not going to lie. I woke up on Saturday morning with a bit of a panic attack. You know, one of those heart-starts-pounding-temperature-rises-freak-out-moments. Anxiety. It sounds hysterical thinking about it now... but I was mourning the fact that my Saturday mornings of quietness, potentially sleeping in, lounging around with my husband, nothing-on-the-agenda mornings are dwindling down before we have a newborn.
I think every mother-to-be has to have one of these panick attacks. I mean, we can't send the kid back. These are normal feelings, I know. They are real. We wait so long for these moments of pregnancy and as beautiful as they are, there are some major things that are about to change. A part of you will never feel quite ready. I mean, yes, I've changed a diaper. I've held dozens and dozens of babies. I've made bottles, put kids in carseats, and babysat overnight.
But this is my child, my perfect daughter. How am I supposed to know what it will be like to birth her, care for her, and give up my life for her when I've never experienced it before? It will be like any first: riding a rollercoaster, paragliding, catching that first wave. All firsts are somewhat intimitading and scary, even though we know before it even happens that the end result is always so lovely and remarkable.
I think every mother-to-be has to have one of these panick attacks. I mean, we can't send the kid back. These are normal feelings, I know. They are real. We wait so long for these moments of pregnancy and as beautiful as they are, there are some major things that are about to change. A part of you will never feel quite ready. I mean, yes, I've changed a diaper. I've held dozens and dozens of babies. I've made bottles, put kids in carseats, and babysat overnight.
But this is my child, my perfect daughter. How am I supposed to know what it will be like to birth her, care for her, and give up my life for her when I've never experienced it before? It will be like any first: riding a rollercoaster, paragliding, catching that first wave. All firsts are somewhat intimitading and scary, even though we know before it even happens that the end result is always so lovely and remarkable.
I've always wanted to be a mom and not being able to have kids was my biggest fear for 26 years of my life. The fear I have dealt with the least in my life is if I will be a good mom. I know I will be and can say that with full confidence because I feel like it's one of those things in life I was just meant to do. But as much as I'm ready for it, there is so much of me that is not ready and won't be ready for it until I hold her for the first time, look into her beautiful eyes, and just know that she's here and that I can do anything.
I have this really weird feeling that birthing her, raising her, and knowing her is going to set a fire of motivation around me. Not that I am not naturally motivated, but I mean, what mother doesn't want to be the best person they can be for their child? Perhaps I will sudddenly have that "aha" moment where I realize what I want to do with her and for her, because I finally see her, and just know.
This really is a remarkable journey, this whole pregnancy miracle. God's timing is perfect and He knew exactly when I was ready for this, when Joshua and I were both ready for this. His ways are beyond our imagination and even more than we can fathom. I'm thankful that I can trust in a God who knows exactly what I need before I know it and who will be by my side through all of the changes that are about to start.
I am so excited. And so ready.
How was your weekend? How are you finding beauty in your life? And mamas, do you have any tips for me? :)
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Cup Half Full LinkUp Party
The goal of this link up party is to have a place where women can come each week and simply link back to posts where they find beauty in their life.
The goal of this link up party is to have a place where women can come each week and simply link back to posts where they find beauty in their life.
This is not a subject-specific link up party, but simply an overall theme of contented, thankful way of living. I don't really care what you want to link up, as long as it promotes a general positive, thankful, my-cup-is-half-full vibe.
- Link up to your specific blog post, not to your blog's main page.
- Make this an interactive link up party by trying to visit a few other blogs while you're here and stop and show them some love-- because everyone loves comments! :)
- Grab a button or link back to this post so that your blog readers can come and join in on the fun, too!
- Thank you for stopping by!
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